Men and Minors

A recent blog entry I found via my pal Bitter-Girl about the sexualization of teenagers in comics got me thinking about quite a few things. Whether this is the place to talk about them is not certain, but isn’t that always the way with blogs?

How young is too young? How slutty is too slutty for a girl to dress? Where does a man cross the line from desire or an innocent “holy crap that girl must drink a lot of milk!” to pursuing, or letting a minor even pursue him? And why is it that a femal minor is seen as juicy forbidden fruit to be desired, yet women find the thought of a teenage boy is hardly a turn-on (at least a good percentage do). If a man desires a teenage girl, that’s normal. If a woman does desire a teenage boy, she’s got issues.

When young girls are wearing hot pants and tube tops that say “Obey Me”, and are actively wanting attention from older men for validation in the looks department — things get tricky. The fact is, young girls have always wanted to be a woman, and fast. And in most states it is legal to marry at 16 with parental consent. Hey, girls got married at very young ages back in the day, you know, back when the life expectancy was age 60 and a young uterus was needed for breeding 10 babies sinces chances were only 7 would survive.  And sure, a 15 year difference in ages doesn’t mean much at a certain point. My husband is 14 years older than me and it works great for us. But we got together when I was 22, and there was a world of difference even between me at age 20 and age 22. Thus there is a HUGE difference between starting a relationship with a 22 year old, and 15 year old. It makes me wonder what it is that, besides a sexual attraction, what does a 30 year old man get from a relationship with a minor? What is so wrong with this man that he can’t have a woman at least old enough to meet his friends and drink at a bar? Or at least old enough to buy a pack of smokes or some Kaliber non-alcohol beers!

You see, this all started to bother me because I was one of those minors who had multiple boyfriends who were men. When I mean men, I mean old enough that I now wonder what the HELL WAS WRONG WITH THEM?!  Was I that amazing, sultry, mature and convincing?  Was I really as great as they said I was? And when a few of them started to have second thoughts, was I really that seductive in making them stay with me and that everything would work out? NO. I wasn’t that great. I was a dumbass — and what girl isn’t a dumbass at 14, 15, 16, 17 even 18?
No, THEY were the ones who were immature, losers who had resorted to dating with a high schooler. When I think back on it, it actually makes me sick, it makes me wonder what else they were up to and with whom? How did their friends even handle this too? No wonder I was treated the way I was by their friends. They weren’t mad at me, they were mad that their friend was this stupid and immature. My mom stepped back and let me handle all of this over the years because she knew I would pursue older men anyways, and she rightly knew that none of these relationships would last. In fact if she had protested, I probably would have rebelled and done something really stupid like marry one of these guys. These relationships never lasted long, some weeks, some several months, and I was never bossed around or made to do things I didn’t want to do, like many people would assume — I felt in the power position believe it or not. I guess this was because they knew one sour action on my part could land them in jail if I so desired. I am very lucky that I never caught any diseases from these men, and that nothing ridiculously bad ever happened.

All my life I’ve looked 5 years older than I really am (here’s hoping when I turn 30 it will drop off and reverse will start to happen!), so none of these men knew how old I really was at first. But the fact that they stayed when they did find out? I have no respect. And the sadest part? Many of these men have been contacting me over the past 5 years to see, “how I’m doing”, as if I’m still the same naive, pissed-off, punk teenager today. Is this because of remorse? Sometimes, but mostly they acted as though they wanted to still be friends or better yet, see if I was still available. How a 16 year old girl can haunt a man for 10 years where he has the need to track her down to “hang out” is bizarre and sad to me. A few even asked to meet my husband, or wanted me to meet their fucking wives…and that’s where it got weird and I delete these emails on sight. Some psychological stuff going on there I don’t want to know.

I can now say to the few that dropped me like a hot brick once my minor status was known: Thank you and congrats, you are a stand up human being with some common sense! But if I catch you sneaking a look at my nieces in that way…I will punch you in the crotch.

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