Only One Leg To Stand On

I’ve been told I need yet another surgery. This time, a rod is to be put through from my ball socket of the femur down through to almost the knee. It appears my leg is about to break in pieces and the radiation I withstood to soften the cancer has taken its toll. I’m of a small percentage where people with radiation like that never recover. I was going to x-rays every 3 months, then 6 months, and this was my first one in a year. I thought it was all going to be fine since I got pushed to a yearly check-up after the last biopsy and MRI. But no. It’s so bad I’m supposed to be on crutches right now until the rod gets put in.

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A few people have asked and I need to clear some things up:

No, I’m not going somewhere other than Cleveland Clinic. I have my oncology surgeon who did my leg originally; my botched surgery 6 months ago was a whole other department and team. And really, that fiasco was down to shitty nurses who didn’t listen.

No, I’m not going out of state to another medical center. How on earth does anyone think I will get home with limited mobility, let alone the paperwork nightmare and the fact insurance doesn’t cover you out of network? Where will my husband stay? I had to cancel a DRIVING vacation to Canada because I couldn’t afford it this summer, ferchrisake. I mean, come on.

No, calcium and drinking milk won’t make it better.

No, the bone won’t heal itself (that’s kind of the whole point) and radiation after effects complicates the situation when metal gets involved.

Femur fractures are somewhat common, so this isn’t a dodgy operation like my first leg surgery was.

No, this has nothing to do with my knee or my missing muscles; this isn’t going to make me walk “better” it is just reinforcement to make sure the bone doesn’t shatter inside, because if it does, that means the leg gets amputated.

I know people have good intentions, but don’t you dare send me any related articles, WebMD posts, or lecture me about an all-natural organic hippie diet.

To be honest, I know I handle this crap with humor most of the time, but I’m tired. There are more things I’m getting checked up on in December and this came out of nowhere disrupting everything. I’m done. I don’t even know what to say anymore. I guess I shouldn’t have thrown out my walker last year.