After enduring chemo and radiation, I went on a brief break when I couldn’t take the chemo anymore. I wanted to get to Bermuda as fast as possible. Damn the pandemic! My husband had never been, I had visited as a child and loved it.
I was so sick on that flight, throwing-up and trying to hide it from passengers while weak in general. Despite the beauty around us and amazing resort with a private beach, I couldn’t eat, climb stairs very well, or go to my favorite beach because it would have been too dangerous. The tide had risen due to storms; only two beach visits were to be had after the quarantine period of being stuck in our room. The crystal caves would not be doable. St. George’s island was too far as I was getting motion sickness. Even in this little paradise, I was having a hard time. I don’t think I’ve ever cried more than the first half of my visit.
On the island of Bermuda you will occasionally find a moon gate; a portal to walk through when you make a wish. My husband and I wished to return to Bermuda despite the fact I very likely not going to live long. We wanted to return when I was better, if that was even possible. As we walked through we decided: a redux was needed! A redux would be had! My husband was determined it would happen somehow.
Here we are a year later. Not only am I still alive but I was able to return. I was able to climb stairs, eat amazing food, fight currents and waves, and show my husband the cove I loved to play at when I was a child in the 80s. You didn’t need snorkeling gear, the fish came right up to you and could be seen from the surface. Resort staff and locals admired our style — especially my cowboy boots. The WASPs who drunkenly danced, sounds of tree frogs, nightly sunset dinners, and virgin pina coladas on the softest sand you ever touched was what I needed. This was probably the best vacation I’d ever had.
We decided it should be tradition to come once a year in the fall, riding on the hope I will make it another year and beyond. Maybe my tumors and I can co-exist if they play nice and do not evolve. We walked through the moon gate again, a little snail was inching along on a blade of grass as we stepped out, with a lizard waiting to eat him. I don’t know if that meant anything, but there was a full moon that night.