My Ten Essentials

You know what has been annoying for me lately? That there are now a flood of so-called stylists, decorators, and other aesthetes of  dubious kinds who give the same answers over and over to the question of “Top 10 Things You Can’t Live Without” or “Top 10 Stylish Must Haves”. None are very original.

Many of the repeat offenders are: red lipstick (I can tell you most men I’ve known hate having to kiss a woman with red lipstick on), champagne, their latest PDA device, and some such nonsense about Audrey Hepburn or anything having to do with the movie “Breakfast at Tiffany’s”. Obviously none of these people have read the book, and I think I’m probably one of the only women on earth who can’t stand Audrey Hepburn or the pedestal of preciousness she has been put on.

Over all, I think I have more style (even in my trashiest moments) and taste than most of the con artists who get paid to be a stylist and give rather common sense advice as if it were a revelation. So just for my own entertainment, and yours, here are my 10 Things of Which I Use Often and/or Think Are Stylin’

Concealer from Sonia Kashuk. Because I still have zits, and broken veins thanks to being pale, and I don’t have money for the laser treatment — I’m told it doesn’t last anyhow. So there.

Gel foot inserts. They absorb the impact on the ball of your foot, and if you’ve ever spent any number of hours standing in heels, you know that crap hurts! Thanks to these I have survived 6+ hours of standing at art shows, and once, unexpectedly running from muggers in downtown L.A. (yes, I out ran them in heels!)

Q-Tips. Use ’em to clean off residue eye makeup. Use ’em to clean out your ears. Use ’em to clean out your cat’s ears because he has mites and the drops the vet gave you didn’t seem to work.

Cowboy Boots. I used to live in motorcycle boots but in recent years opted for these as they were less clunky and go with just about every outfit. I actually buy them custom-made and new every two years from Shelpers because the cost to resole them at a cobbler is the same price as a new pair.

Black cardigan. No matter what kind of sleeveless outfit I have on, I’ll bring one with me in a purse or put it over a dress etc. and it goes with everything. Because I either get cold, feel self-conscience about my flabby arms, or am in an Amish run establishment and my pentacle tattoo causes them to tell me the devil has me marked. Dressing it up with a brooch helps too.

Mommie Dearest. The set design is gorgeous, Faye is totally on point with the crazy, and it never gets old. It is great to watch when you are in a bitchy mood and hate everyone, or just need motivation and inspiration to clean your house.

Chlorophyll. What? That stuff that plants have? Why yes, it comes in pill form. Good for the lungs, and it keeps you regular if you know what I mean. Supposedly the editor-in-chief at Elle Magazine has two pills a day — I can tell you one is plenty!

Soap & Glory: Calm One, Calm All. This stuff smells like Dior “Cherie” and is a real bubble bath — not that body gel crap  —  plus it being available at Target means you don’t have to go to a fancy candy-ass boutique to find anything similar.

Scarves. I have all materials, lengths, and colors for all seasons. Why don’t ladies wear scarves anymore? It gives the feeling and look that you tried, you know, that thing called effort when dressing?

Lambic. Champagne is fine, but I like beer for the most part, and I like wine that is sweet. If you’ve never had lambic, you are in for a treat. Unlike champagne which causes your breath to become acidic and gives you a headache, you can have multiple glasses (or bottles) and still have a pleasant aftertaste. Like champagne however, it has a designated glass that is attractive. The most common flavor is raspberry, but I’m a fan of the peach.

2 thoughts on “My Ten Essentials”

  1. My sister has been wearing scarves all summer to protect and minimize the scar from her thyroidectomy, and you are right they do dress up every outfit. That and a killer haircut.

    Oh, and I am always freaked out how people don’t seem to realize that in Breakfast at Tiffany’s the leads are actual whores. And also haven’t read the book.

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