Dear FedEx

Eat a dick. Seriously.

I don't know why people use you as a service because you are retarded, not very helpful, not very up-to-date, and usually your drivers are illiterate so of course things always seem to get delivered to the wrong address, or thrown in a bush while the sprinklers are going.

Your automated menu service isn't very good at understanding simple phrases, but then again, your customer support team can barley speak or understand English as it is. Not that they don't know English, it just seems they are too lazy to string a coherent sentence together let alone understand one when it is spoken to them. I'm sure you only need the IQ of a Tic-Tac to be hired.

This isn't really news to me. For years I have known these facts from all the art I ship, the mail-orders I've done for Elephant Stone, and all of the office jobs I've had since age 15. When someone tells me they sent something to me by FedEx, I get nervous. I want to ring their neck asking, "dammit man, why on earth did you do that?" and always always always my paranoia is proved correct. Today is no different.

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